Stranger Things Have Happened by DSDragon

Note: In case no one can guess, Blonde Moment #5,168 was one of my sister Anna's old online nicknames. Actually, it was only used for this--giving me story ideas.

The Word Warper: DSDragon

The Idea Gal: Blonde Moment #5,168

Rating: Watch BtVS? You can read this, although whether or not you would want to is a different story.

Pairing: Spike/Buffy (DUH)

Summary: A goofy, almost-plotless response to my own challenge posted at the Crumbling Walls Forum. Willow is conspicuously absent, except in conversation . . . I like to think she's recovering from her magic addiction by staying away from the people who might need magical services. (The story IS set after "Wrecked," after all . . .) Please wait until AFTER you read the story to read the challenge itself!

Disclaimer: I don't own the Buffy-verse . . . sniffle . . . Or Billy Idol . . . sigh . . . oh well . . . The title for this fic comes from the song "Stranger" by Lili Haydn, parts of which are quoted later on. The math trick mentioned in Chapters I and II is a trick I learned from my own AP Calculus teacher, in the 2000-2001 school year at Frederick High School, Ms. Kerslake. And I don't own Dawson's Creek, either . . . not that I would want to.

Spoilers: Set after "Wrecked," but any episodes before that are fair game.

Special Thanks: To my sister, Blonde Moment #5,168, for starting that fic in the first place. Without it, there wouldn't have been a challenge. :)

Distribution: Just tell me where it's going.

Feedback: Hate it in musical equipment, love it in writing . . . Please use the feedback links at the bottom.

Chapter I

She couldn't take it anymore. If she tried anymore, she knew, just knew, her brain would explode.

She could imagine it now; tick, tock, tick, tock went the count-down clock. Five, four, three, two–

"ANYA!" she whined at the last second. "You're good with numbers-you'd have to be to keep track of a store's accounts-I need help!"

Xander broke in, cutting off his ex-demon fiancée's response. "Anya? Good with numbers? Sure, she can do the adding and subtracting necessary to run a store, but Dawn, Anya had to be tutored in math in high school."

"Xander, how hard could it be?" the ex-demon asked. "I mean, sure, I sucked at math in high school, but back then I didn't have any motivation-like money-now Dawn, what's the problem?" she said, looking over the teen's shoulder to the pages of symbols and variables before her.

"Derivatives. The teacher went through this long and involved process on how to find them, which I got at the time, but then I got distracted and forgot to take notes, not like I could've anyway with my arm in this cast, and now I can't remember the lesson!" Dawn was getting desperate.

Anya was perplexed. "Erm . . . maybe you should ask Willow . . ." she cut off her own speech when she saw the same dark look cross Dawn's face that had appeared when the girl mentioned her broken arm.

Seeing Anya at a loss, Xander jumped in. "Maybe I can help. I seem to remember a trick my math teacher taught to find derivatives. I think that was the only thing I learned in high school, except to be afraid, of course."

Dawn looked skeptical, but relented anyway. Buffy was too busy slaying to have payed attention in math the first time, much less help her younger sister with it, Spike was better to ask for help with history, and she wasn't even talking to the person she usually asked for math help, so the littlest Summers looked to the Zeppo for enlightenment.

Chapter II

"-So you just multiply the coefficients with the exponents, subtract 1 from each exponent, and drop the constant?" Buffy heard her sister ask as she walked into the Magic Box.

"Yup. That's it. Although, it sounds more complicated when you use those words instead of ‘Big number by the X' and ‘Little number above the X.'" Buffy was surprised to hear Xander reply.

She chose that moment to make her presence known. "Check out the Xand-man doin' the Calculus. Are you sure the last apocalypse was thwarted?"

The room's other three occupants chuckled.

"I'll have to get back to you on that apocalypse question," Xander laughed. "After I get a CAT scan."

"Don't worry, Xander. Your secret's safe with us." Dawn giggled. "And thanks for the tip. I think I might actually ace that quiz tomorrow." The teen did a mental Snoopy Dance at the thought that another teenage "crisis"-flunking math and being doomed to repeat it-had been averted.

Everyone's amusement was interrupted, however, when the bell above the shop door pinged. They all looked up to see a peroxide blonde in black, on red, on even more black, looking annoyed and proverbially out of breath, run in and quickly shut the door behind him.

"Slayer, you're not going to believe this, but I need your help." Spike began, only then noticing the amusement that was redolent on everyone's faces. "Did I miss something?"

"Xander does Calculus!" Buffy burst out. When she noticed Harris' horrified ‘Thanks, now I'll never live this down.' expression, she responded with, "What? Dawn doesn't speak for me," still slightly chuckling, a mischievous grin on her face.

The vampire took a moment to revel in Xander's "misery" before the almost-desperate look came back over his features. "I'd make fun of the whelp, but I've got my own problems, Slayer." he leaned into her, as though to tell her something that embarrassed him and he didn't want heard by the peanut gallery.

As Spike whispered his woes in her ear, Buffy's eyes widened, and she couldn't help the giggle-snort-laugh that managed to slip its way past her lips.

"Oh, this is just too rich!" she managed to gasp between fits and snorts. "Poor Spike-y can't go home! Because . . ." Buffy was finding it harder to breathe now. "Because . . . of . . ."

"WHAT?" Xander, Anya, and, yes, even Dawn, cried in unison, wondering what was so funny.

"A COW!" the Slayer finally managed to spit out, her subsequent fit of hysteria causing her to miss the confused looks everyone was giving her.

"Oh c'mon, Slayer," Spike was getting annoyed. "Dawson's Creek is on in an hour, and it doesn't look like that cow will be getting out of my doorway anytime soon, so are you gonna help me get rid of it or not? I'd do it myself, but I've got a little Chip problem . . . can't hurt living things, remember?"

"Listen, Bleach-Head, . . . I'm not . . . killing . . . a cow just so you can watch your stupid television show." by now, everyone except Spike was laughing.

"Besides," Xander interjected, trying to dispel the laughter still bubbling in his throat, "Killing it wouldn't get it out of the way any easier . . . You'd just have dead weight to carry instead of live weight . . . Kind of like you." Harris couldn't help taking a jibe at the "evil undead."

Now the vampire was starting to get pissed. Humiliate me in front of everyone, will she? Well, this time, if she starts to spontaneously combust, I'm not moving an iota, he thought to himself, recalling the gang's encounter with the Musical Day from Hell . . . and its aftereffects . . . Well, maybe I will, if it'll get her to kiss me like that again . . . Not to mention the shagging . . . Spike turned, heading out the door. "Fine. Don't help a bloke in need. I'll just dig a hole under the bloody bovine and bury it alive." Spike almost sounded like he meant what he said . . . almost.

But no one caught the "almost," not by a long shot.

"Oh, alright!" the petite Slayer finally relented, rolling her eyes in not-quite-abated amusement. "I'll help you push the stupid cow out of the doorway! Lead on, Fang-face."

Anger abating at Buffy's usual banter, Spike spun with a flourish out of the shop, the Slayer not far behind.

Once at the crypt, Buffy became suspicious.

"Where's the cow?" She asked, noticing the conspicuous lack of heifer blocking her view of the crypt's heavy wooden door.

Gasping when she was whirled around, she found herself pinned to the door by Spike . . . and his eyes.

"There never was a cow . . ." he admitted unrepentantly as he smashed his lips to Buffy's, chuckling softly.

Chapter III

"What were you thinking, Warren? Letting him in here to terrorize Boba Fett?!?" Andrew was clearly distraught over the sudden appearance of Spike earlier that week. "I mean, he was gonna rip his head off!"

Warren and Jonathan just looked at Andrew skeptically. Clearly, the guy had issues none of them were willing to discuss at the moment.

"Listen guys, I think we need to find out what that ‘chip' in his head was supposed to do. Or at least why Spike was all gung-ho and all ‘the rules have changed' when I told him it still worked. The information could prove useful." Warren quickly changed the subject, curtailing any future whining the still-shaken Andrew might try to produce.

"Let's add it to the list." Jonathan suggested. "Warren, you should do the honors, since it was your idea."

Shrugging, Warren grabbed a marker, quickly adding to their list of things ‘to do' for domination of Sunnydale.

Looking back at the list, the Troika nodded appreciatively. There it was in black and white:

-Hypnotize Buffy. -Learn why the rules have changed for Spike, but not for us.

The first two items of "The Plan" looked almost unattainable, even to three nerdy semi-geniuses.

Reminding themselves of the next step, the three sat, silently and carefully planning.

Chapter IV

Dawn twitched and giggled in her sleep.

The dream she was having was so off-the-wall, so crazy, even while in it, she couldn't help but laugh.

She watched as Willow and Tara, she didn't even care that the red-headed witch was in this dream-it wasn't the Willow from recently-but more the Willow she remembered and trusted, played with their cute kitten, Miss Kitty Fantastico.

Whatever happened to her? She wondered about the feline, as the scene flashed to Spike and Giles on a swingset in the park. Dream-Dawn wasn't even fazed that it seemed to be daylight and Spike wasn't burning. But she did laugh when Spike said he was going to be a watcher.

Another flash, and Dawn giggled as black-and-white Spike posed for a picture. He looked funny with his arms behind him and his body twisted looking rather un-bad. Not to mention the fact that normal cameras use mirrors and not one photographer had thought to bring a digital to the dream, since Spike had a mirror problem.

"This was the Watcher's dream." An ethereal voice intoned.

"Figures." Dawn replied as another flash changed the scene. "Weird dreams, weird voices . . . Kinda figures they weren't my dreams first. Nothing ever . . . is . . ." she finished as she watched the scene before her, not bothering to think that Giles really needed to join the 21st Century.

The First Slayer, Buffy, and Tara stood in a desert. Things seemed to waver back and forth between the desert in the daylight and Buffy and the First Slayer in darkness, a fire separating them.

"Death . . . IS your gift." she said.

Dawn, confused, kept silent as the other scene came back.

"You think you know . . . what you are? What's to come?" Tara said in an eerie voice. Dawn shivered involuntarily. Then, as the blonde Wicca intoned her next remark, the young brunette's blood ran cold.

"Be back before Dawn."

There was no mistaking her name for the rising of the sun . . . in this dream, the sun was well overhead.

"Ah, now you understand. They were alerted to your arrival, but they did not see." the voice spoke.

As Dawn awoke, she remembered the rest of each scene in her dream . . . Tara asking about a name, Willow wondering if she meant the cat, everything. How she knew these things, she didn't know. Those parts weren't in her version of the dream, yet she knew.

Quickly, before she forgot, she started to write in her diary the strange visions that crossed her memory. That is, until a short, bald guy walked into her room wearing a tweed suit and a Kraft Cheese pin.

"Cheese is made from milk. That means there really was a cow."

Dawn jolted awake . . . She was sure she was awake this time.

Resolutely wishing that things written in dreams would stay that way when awake, Dawn reached for her diary.

Chapter V

"I guess that whole speech you gave the other night is null and void now . . . That was a mean trick, by the way." Buffy said, lying in Spike's arms.

"Mean? You wanna talk mean? How about all that bloody garlic in your room? Now that was mean . . ."

Buffy, flustered, started to stutter a reply. "I was . . . I was trying to keep you out."

"Bollocks. You were trying to keep yourself in, I think." As always, the vampire saw right through the Slayer.

"Fine then. No more ‘crawling' for either of us. If I come to you, you bite. If you come to me, I stake." Buffy started gathering her clothes, getting ready to leave the crypt.

Spike reluctantly agreed. He rather enjoyed it when the Slayer came to him-and only him-if she had an "unscratchable itch." Not to mention, he liked the Slayer in his bed . . . not necessarily always naked.

"Deal. But let's agree on places where no assumptions are made, where we can both be at the same time without ‘crawling.'"

Buffy was a little skeptical, but agreed anyway. "Three places. We each choose one and agree on the third."

"The Bronze," Spike suggested.

"The Magic Box" was Buffy's idea.

Now, they just needed a third . . .

In unison, out of some fluke, they both spit out their ideas.

"Patrol."

They each looked surprised at the other, then began to laugh.

"Great minds think alike," Spike said.

Buffy couldn't help getting a barb in.

"Who said that you had a great mind?" she grinned.

"Bloody Hell, woman! We were getting along so well, and you had to soddin' ruin it!" he yelled in mock anger as he got to his feet.

Buffy ran out the door. Spike would have gone after her, but realized that he was still in his birthday suit. He did, however, catch the Slayer's last comment as she ran toward Revello Drive.

"Ah, ah, ah . . . the test of endurance begins now. And following could constitute ‘crawling.'"

The blonde vampire, not eager to get staked, closed the door to the laughter of his love floating on the breeze.

Chapter VI

The oldest Summers walked into the house at 1630 Revello Drive, quietly shutting the door behind her.

Quietly checking on Willow, Buffy pulled the covers back over her friend's sleeping form. At least she's not shaking anymore. That's a good sign . . . right? She thought to herself, going to check on Dawn.

"Hey Buffy." her sister greeted, looking up from her diary.

"Hey Dawnie. Shouldn't you be asleep?" she asked, suspicious.

"I was, but I had this really weird dream and I just HAD to write it down. Here, you read it." the girl said, handing her diary to her older sister.

Buffy read in silence a few minutes, her eyes getting wider and wider. Then, she started to laugh when she got to Giles' dreams . . . the ones that Spike was in, anyway . . . Dawn had added her own comments like "Giles really needs to join the 21st Century . . . even in his dreams."

The final line is what made Buffy completely crack. She couldn't help laughing, no matter the serious tone to the rest of the dreams.

Suspiciously, Dawn hadn't mentioned the Cheese Guy until the end . . . I wonder why she didn't see him in our dreams? Buffy wondered to herself. It wasn't really relevant anyway, so she just kept laughing.

Thinking Buffy had finally snapped, Dawn asked what was wrong.

"There really . . . WAS . . . a cow!" her sister managed to get out between snorts.

The brunette didn't get what was so funny, and it showed in the big "huh?" look that she gave her older, yet shorter, sister.

Deciding that she had to tell SOMEONE, Buffy began the tale-extremely edited, of course-of her and Spike's goings on since the Musical day . . .

"Well, it all started after the ‘Big Group Sing' we all had. Spike walked out in the middle and I followed him. We talked a bit, we sang a bit, we kissed a bit, then I went home." she started, trying to go as fast as she could through the kissing part . . .

Eventually, she got back to the "Cow Incident," and, leaving out the rest, told her little sister that it was a ruse of Spike's and their subsequent agreement to stay away from eachother, and the "Rules of Neutrality."

Somehow, Buffy even managed to fit in a re-telling of the Cheese Guy encounters that she, Xander, Giles, and Willow had had in their dreams. Dawn also wondered why she hadn't seen those parts of the dreams.

Inevitably, Dawn brought the discussion back on topic, startling Buffy with her insightfulness.

"So, when did you sleep with him?" she asked knowingly.

"DAWN!" Buffy managed to sputter in surprise.

"What? It's not like I'm stupid . . . I know you did . . . that whole ‘crawling' and ‘unscratchable itch' thing was like, a dead giveaway!" Dawn defended her not-so-innocent knowledge of the "Birds and the Bees," thinking about when her sister was gone long enough for her to have slept with the blonde vampire . . . not that she knew what "long enough" meant, anyway.

Suddenly, a light bulb went on in the young brunette's brain.

"You came home all ‘sore and limpy' that one morning! I bet it was the night before that, although how you got so many bruises doing that, I don't even want to know." Dawn's insight was starting to give Buffy "the wiggins."

"Well, since you know that that part happened, I might as well tell you about the part before it . . ." Buffy relented. "Spike and I had a fight in this abandoned building and somehow, we ended up in the basement and didn't realize how much we had trashed the building until we woke up."

Dawn was confused. "Don't you mean you beat Spike up? I mean, his chip . . . he does still have his chip, right? And it still works?"

"Yup, Spike is still ‘Chips Ahoy,' and yes, I beat Spike up, but he gave as good as he got . . . it was Fun." Buffy had missed having someone of equal skill and strength to fight with.

"And don't ask how Spike can hit me, ‘cause I'm not sure. Way I see it, there's two possibilities. One, like he said, I came back ‘wrong,' or two, somehow, the chip knows he won't try and kill me . . .WOAH! Did I just defend Spike?!?" Buffy finished wide-eyed.

Dawn giggled. This was great! Buffy was defending Spike . . . Only, she was staying away from him . . . This was not a good thing.

"So the whole cow thing was just to get into your pants again?" she asked the blonde.

"You are getting too insightful for your own virtue." Buffy confirmed, blushing slightly.

"Well, at least it's having a good effect on you . . . You seem to be more lievely since the building incident than you have since you've been back."

Both knowing that Buffy's being back was the reason for her depressive status lately, they forged ahead to a new topic.

"So, I guess we were pretty stupid not to know you were coming, huh?" Buffy asked her younger sister.

"Well, you are a blonde." Dawn joked.

"Alright, Squirt, get back to sleep. You've got a math quiz in the morning."

Dawn rolled her eyes at the childish nickname.

"Good night, Buffy."

"Good night, Dawn . . . and Dawn?" Buffy asked.

"Hmmm?"

"Don't tell the others about Spike and me . . . you know they'd just overreact."

Dawn smiled, starting to fall asleep already.

"Shows what you know." she whispered after the Slayer walked out of her bedroom.

Chapter VII

Buffy bopped along the road near the cemetary, her Discman up as loud as she dared so she could still hear vamps coming if she needed to.

" . . . Nice day for a . . . white wedding." she quietly sang along to herself, not noticing the man standing next to a black car, watching her.

"What're you listening to?" the man asked, startling her.

At first, seeing the DeSoto and he black-leather-clad blonde next to it, the Slayer thought it was Spike come to patrol with her.

"Billy Idol," she answered, then did a double-take as she realized that Billy Idol was the one who asked the question, since Spike wouldn't have worn crosses in his ear. Does Spike have an ear piercing? She wondered idly, then realized who she was staring rather rudely at.

"Wow! You're Billy Idol!" she exclaimed. DUH, blondie. She mentally chided herself. Obvious much?

"Last I checked," was the singer's reply.

Hmmm . . . he seems to have Spike's sarcasm too, not to mention car and look. Buffy's appraisal went even further than staring.

"So, what brings you to Sunnydale?" Buffy asked, nonchalant.

"Well, I have a concert here this weekend, and I decided to have a look around town beforehand." was the answer.

"A concert? In Sunnydale? You can't be playing at the Bronze? I mean, the Bronze is just where up-and-coming bands and singers go to get discovered, and you're already famous, so where's the concert?" Buffy babbled nervously, not even realizing that Billy could've gotten killed on the streets of Sunnydal just "having a look around."

"They're actually going to have it at the Fairgrounds. It's the only place big enough with a stage and a gate to control admission. Here . . ." he said, pulling something out of his coat and handing it to Buffy. "Why don't you come? And bring a friend. What's your name?"

"Buffy Summers." the Slayer said, looking down at the tickets in her hand, amazed. "Thanks," she said, but the singer had already gotten into the DeSoto-which, Buffy noticed, did not have the windows blacked out-and sped off down the dark streets of the Hellmouth.

Chapter VIII

The next day at the Magic Box, Buffy asked Xander to come with her to the concert.

"No thanks, Buff. Anya and I still have to pick out invitations and stuff for the wedding . . .Thanks for asking though. I normally wouldn't miss a chance to hang with you, you know?" Xander declined, reluctantly.

"It's OK Xand. Maybe Dawn wants to come." Buffy said understandingly.

"Come where?" Dawn asked as she walked into the shop, the bell pinging loudly.

"To the Billy Idol concert this weekend . . . I ran into him on patrol last night and he gave me a couple tickets. Wanna come?" the elder Summers asked her sister.

"Uhm . . ." Dawn stalled. "I was kinda going already."

"Huh?" Xander and Buffy asked in unison.

"Well, this guy at school, Joseph, asked me to the concert, and I was just about to ask you if it was okay when you asked me to go with you." Dawn explained, blushing as she sat down to do her homework.

"Oh, that's OK then. I'll still see you there though, right?" Buffy asked, sitting down next to her sister.

Dawn rolled her eyes, writing something on a sheet of paper as she spoke. "Don't you know the concept of a date, Buffy?" she asked, sliding the paper under her sister's nose. Why don't you ask Spike? It said.

Buffy nearly choked-silently, of course-as she took the writing utensil her sister offered. "OK, OK, I won't cramp your style." she managed to say while writing her response: No way. Not gonna happen.

"Better not." the brunette Key said, writing again. Aw, c'mon, Buff . . . we can make it a double date . . . it'll be fun. This time, she had to be discreet, seeing that Xander had turned away from the counter, listening to the bickering duo. "I don't want any Slayer stuff ruining my evening."

Buffy caught the double meaning in Dawn's spoken statement: She wasn't going to take any "Me and Spike as a couple is wrong" stuff from Buffy.

"What's this?" Xander interjected. "Dawnie has a boyfriend? And a human one, no less."

Dawn blushed. "Just because I had to stake my first kiss, doesn't mean I'm in a hurry to kiss another vamp." she said, rolling her eyes as she read Buffy's latest response.

Oh, alright . . . just so you'll stop bugging me about it. I'll see if he wants to come next time I see him.

The Key smiled. She knew she'd eventually wear Buffy down and make her see "reason." Happily, she wrote Yippee, listening to her sister redundantly give permission for Dawn to go to the concert.

Chapter IX

He was home. That was all he needed to know besides what to do while he was there.

Well, he already knew what he was going to do . . . He was gonna get his girl back.

Hurrying to shelter before the sun rose, Riley Finn strategized how to do just that.

Chapter X

"-So, he walks in, fully intending to buy a drink and a Blooming Onion and-get this-he trips on a shot glass that someone had just left on the floor." Xander was regaling Buffy with an "Embarrased-Spike" story while hanging out with her, Anya, and Dawn at the Bronze. "Needless to say, I railed on him for weeks afterward."

Buffy laughed. It was a funny story, and Dawn said it was even true. Still, Buffy couldn't picture Spike as less-than-graceful. WOAH! Where did THAT thought come from?!? she quickly curtailed that line of un-reasoning.

Dawn elbowed her sister in the ribs, inconspicuously pointing to the doorway when Buffy looked up.

Whispering so only the Slayer could hear over the loud music, the Key said, "Now's your chance . . . Go on."

Buffy nervously excused herself to Xander and Anya, saying she was thirsty and taking the others' drink orders as well.

Buffy walked to the bar, giving the man behind it her order and waited for the drinks.

As expected, Spike came up next to her, ordering his usual Spicy Chicken Wings and Guinness, then he noticed something in the Slayer's back pocket and decided to try his rusty pick-pocketing skills.

"If you want to know what is in my pocket, all you have to do is ask." Buffy told him as he reached his hand around her back, startling him.

The band on stage started playing a new song as Buffy made polite conversation . . . Well, polite compared to their usual banter, anyway.

Down, while you're diggin' down

Dig a little deeper

No way to get around

We're all in this together.

They talked, not listening to the second part of the verse while they waited for the bartender to catch up to their orders.

"I always wondered . . . well, not always, but long enough . . . do you have a last name?" Smart, Buffy, of course he has one . . . "I mean, do you remember it?"

"Nope. But I do know I still have relatives somewhere." Spike answered. "I think one of my sisters' descendants married a guy buy the last name Broad . . . Their son became famous, I think." He became a little introspective . . .

"Do you remember his first name?" Buffy asked, curious despite herself.

"‘Course. Same as mine, it is. William."

"Ohmigod! You're related to Billy Idol! And here I thought you just looked like him a bit . . . not to mention you have the same car . . ." Buffy trailed off as the irony of the song's chorus chaught up to her.

Stranger, stranger things have happened.

Goodness brings a chain reaction.

Liberate me from inaction.

Stranger, stranger things have happened.

Spike groaned, also catching the lyrics.

"You know, I should've known they were the same person . . . after watching that dumb VH1 special on the bloke." the vampire was a little annoyed that he hadn't made the connection before.

Vampire and Slayer were silent as the implications sunk in, listening to the rest of the song.

Sometimes I really don't know

How I make a difference,

Smack dab in the riverbed,

Next door to the living dead.

If they only knew. Buffy thought to herself as she caught the line.

Smack dab in the river bed,

I opened up my heart and listened.

"So, what've you been up to lately, Slayer?" Spike broke the silence, drowning out the music again.

"Not much. The usual . . ." Wow, am I actually having a civilized conversation with SPIKE?!? she thought ironically to herself. "Staking vamps, killing demons, meeting Billy Idol on patrol, inviting you to the concert this weekend, hanging at the Bronze-"

"Back up there, luv. Did you say you were inviting me to a concert?" Spike interrupted.

"Darn. I was hoping you'd miss that part." Buffy said, pulling the tickets out of her pocket. "It seems your however-many-times-great-nephew has a concert at the Sunnydale Fairgrounds this weekend. It was Dawn's idea to invite you, since she already has a date and managed to finagle the story of our sordid non-relationship out of me." she tried to say it really fast, so Spike wouldn't catch it, but he did anyway.

The vampire chuckled, giving his patented smirk. "Why Slayer, are you asking me on a date?"

Buffy groaned. She hadn't meant to use the word "date," but it had slipped anyway and it was too late to turn back.

Then, she had an idea.

"No. I'm asking you to come help me make sure Dawnie's date doesn't do anything that fifteen-year-olds shouldn't do with their girlfriends." she quickly covered.

"Sure, Slayer. I'll come help keep an eye on the Niblet with you." he gave another cocky grin and said under his breath, "Not that they won't be doing anything I wouldn't want to do with you." His brain was on over-drive . . . The Slayer had asked him on a date! He couldn't believe it! Then he caught the last chorus of the song, and laughed as both their orders came to the counter and Buffy made her escape.

Stranger, stranger things have happened.

Goodness brings a chain reaction.

Liberate me from inaction.

Stranger, stranger things have happened . . .

Chapter X

"-So, he walks in, fully intending to buy a drink and a Blooming Onion and-get this-he trips on a shot glass that someone had just left on the floor." Xander was regaling Buffy with an "Embarrased-Spike" story while hanging out with her, Anya, and Dawn at the Bronze. "Needless to say, I railed on him for weeks afterward."

Buffy laughed. It was a funny story, and Dawn said it was even true. Still, Buffy couldn't picture Spike as less-than-graceful. WOAH! Where did THAT thought come from?!? she quickly curtailed that line of un-reasoning.

Dawn elbowed her sister in the ribs, inconspicuously pointing to the doorway when Buffy looked up.

Whispering so only the Slayer could hear over the loud music, the Key said, "Now's your chance . . . Go on."

Buffy nervously excused herself to Xander and Anya, saying she was thirsty and taking the others' drink orders as well.

Buffy walked to the bar, giving the man behind it her order and waited for the drinks.

As expected, Spike came up next to her, ordering his usual Spicy Chicken Wings and Guinness, then he noticed something in the Slayer's back pocket and decided to try his rusty pick-pocketing skills.

"If you want to know what is in my pocket, all you have to do is ask." Buffy told him as he reached his hand around her back, startling him.

The band on stage started playing a new song as Buffy made polite conversation . . . Well, polite compared to their usual banter, anyway.

Down, while you're diggin' down

Dig a little deeper

No way to get around

We're all in this together.

They talked, not listening to the second part of the verse while they waited for the bartender to catch up to their orders.

"I always wondered . . . well, not always, but long enough . . . do you have a last name?" Smart, Buffy, of course he has one . . . "I mean, do you remember it?"

"Nope. But I do know I still have relatives somewhere." Spike answered. "I think one of my sisters' descendants married a guy buy the last name Broad . . . Their son became famous, I think." He became a little introspective . . .

"Do you remember his first name?" Buffy asked, curious despite herself.

"‘Course. Same as mine, it is. William."

"Ohmigod! You're related to Billy Idol! And here I thought you just looked like him a bit . . . not to mention you have the same car . . ." Buffy trailed off as the irony of the song's chorus chaught up to her.

Stranger, stranger things have happened.

Goodness brings a chain reaction.

Liberate me from inaction.

Stranger, stranger things have happened.

Spike groaned, also catching the lyrics.

"You know, I should've known they were the same person . . . after watching that dumb VH1 special on the bloke." the vampire was a little annoyed that he hadn't made the connection before.

Vampire and Slayer were silent as the implications sunk in, listening to the rest of the song.

Sometimes I really don't know

How I make a difference,

Smack dab in the riverbed,

Next door to the living dead.

If they only knew. Buffy thought to herself as she caught the line.

Smack dab in the river bed,

I opened up my heart and listened.

"So, what've you been up to lately, Slayer?" Spike broke the silence, drowning out the music again.

"Not much. The usual . . ." Wow, am I actually having a civilized conversation with SPIKE?!? she thought ironically to herself. "Staking vamps, killing demons, meeting Billy Idol on patrol, inviting you to the concert this weekend, hanging at the Bronze-"

"Back up there, luv. Did you say you were inviting me to a concert?" Spike interrupted.

"Darn. I was hoping you'd miss that part." Buffy said, pulling the tickets out of her pocket. "It seems your however-many-times-great-nephew has a concert at the Sunnydale Fairgrounds this weekend. It was Dawn's idea to invite you, since she already has a date and managed to finagle the story of our sordid non-relationship out of me." she tried to say it really fast, so Spike wouldn't catch it, but he did anyway.

The vampire chuckled, giving his patented smirk. "Why Slayer, are you asking me on a date?"

Buffy groaned. She hadn't meant to use the word "date," but it had slipped anyway and it was too late to turn back.

Then, she had an idea.

"No. I'm asking you to come help me make sure Dawnie's date doesn't do anything that fifteen-year-olds shouldn't do with their girlfriends." she quickly covered.

"Sure, Slayer. I'll come help keep an eye on the Niblet with you." he gave another cocky grin and said under his breath, "Not that they won't be doing anything I wouldn't want to do with you." His brain was on over-drive . . . The Slayer had asked him on a date! He couldn't believe it! Then he caught the last chorus of the song, and laughed as both their orders came to the counter and Buffy made her escape.

Stranger, stranger things have happened.

Goodness brings a chain reaction.

Liberate me from inaction.

Stranger, stranger things have happened . . .

Chapter XI

Dawn and Buffy jumped up and down at the gate, giggling, their dates, a little more controlled in their reactions to the blonde rocker who greeted his first few fans at the door.

When it was their turn, Billy said to Buffy, "I'm glad you could make it, Miss Summers . . . And you seem to have brought a few friends, I see."

"Thanks for the tickets. This is my sister, Dawn, her date, Joseph, and my friend, Spike." The Slayer didn't notice William the Bloody's dejected look when she called him a "friend," but everyone else, poor Joseph included, did.

"Say, Spike," Billy called to the vampire, "I don't know you from anywhere, do I? You look familiar."

"Oh, it turns out Spike is a distant relative of yours, Mr. Idol." Dawn finally spoke up.

"Really now? How so?" the man was curious.

"Oh, uhmmm . . ." Dawn stuttered, knowing she'd said too much.

But the rocker was pretty quick on the uptake. "Wait a minute. Only person I remember who looked like you was in a picture. My parents said I was named after him and that he died in 1880." The lightbulb was starting to go on in Billy Idol's brain.

Before anyone could react, Billy took Spike's hand, putting it up to his ear, where it promptly started to sizzle against the other blonde's cross earrings.

"Bloody Hell!" Spike cried, in obvious pain.

"I knew it! A vampire!" Billy Idol exclaimed. "In the subway, back in ‘77, that was you I saw!" Apparently, everyone now knew where Billy had gotten his look.

Spike winced at the memory of what happened in that New York subway so many years before. Buffy caught the look in Spike's eyes before it disappeared, however. Is that . . . guilt? Shame? I see? She thought, mouthing the word "Slayer?" to the vampire.

He nodded, remembering the night he had told Buffy about that Slayer.

"Sure, he's a vamp, and you probably did see him in the subway in ‘77 . . . he had some . . . stuff . . . to do there . . ." Buffy tried to help, but ended up putting her foot in her mouth.

"But he's not going to do any . . . stuff . . . here, is he?" Billy asked, getting nervous. "You're not vampires too, are you?"

Dawn laughed, and Joseph looked confused.

"Naw. Buffy's the anti-vamp, basically. The only reason Spike isn't dust yet is because he helps out every once in a while." the brunette chattered on, being careful not to mention the chip, or Spike's feelings for Buffy.

"Ah. A Slayer. I should have guessed you'd be the only one walking the streets of a Hellmouth in the middle of the night." Billy Idol, into the occult? Buffy, Dawn, and Spike unknowingly thought at once. Stranger things have happened.

"How do you know about vampires and Slayers?" Buffy asked after checking to make sure no one was listening.

Well, Uncle William here wasn't the only one in my family to get turned . . . He was just the first."

Chapter XII

After the concert, the four sat talking with the rock star when they were interrupted by a familiar voice.

"I warned you, Spike . . . Touch her and get staked." Riley said, stepping out of the shadows back-stage. "For real, this time." He intoned ominously, looking the nearest blonde in the eyes.

It was the other blonde who stood to face the soldier, however.

"What do you want, White Bread? A congratulatory speech commemorating your death?" Spike answered, stepping in front of Dawn protectively.

Buffy gasped. "You mean . . ." she couldn't even finish the sentence, the implications of Spike's seemingly-off-hand comment were horrible.

The blonde vampire nodded. "No heart beat. Soldier Boy went and got himself Turned. What happened? One too many Fang Bars, boy?"

"Actually, I ran into your ex on my way back from Brazil." the former commando's answer made the Summers girls' blood run cold.

"Well, that just goes to show how nuts dear ol' Dru really is . . ." Spike remarked, not even wincing at the surprising coldness in his tone while putting down his 100-year relationship.

"Guess you forgot one thing though, Cappy . . . I can kill you now too." He looked to Buffy, hoping she wasn't going to crack.

Buffy was fine. Angry, but fine. She nodded to Spike in unspoken agreement: she would not interfere.

"Hey Billy, how'd you like to throw the first punch?" Spike called to his relative.

"This should teach him to respect his elders," the rocker said as he socked Finn in the face, surprisingly strong for a human. "And their descendants." He smirked.

"Are you guys related?" Riley asked, a little slow.

"DUH." Dawn said sarcastically.

And the fight was on.

Spike and Billy made short work of the fledgling, and Buffy managed to channel her anger into the stake she shoved through her ex-lover's heart.

"You know, that's the second lover I've had to kill . . . I better not have to do it again . . . or I'll just take a trip back to Heaven before I have to." Buffy said, not really caring that Riley was dead.

"NO!" Dawn and Spike yelled at once, horrified.

Buffy scoffed at their alarm. "RELAX guys! Life just started to get fun again . . . I'm in no hurry to leave." she quickly consoled, looking pointedly at Spike, giving him a "You better not give me a reason to." look.

They both sighed in relief as Billy and Joseph asked, "Did I miss something?"

Dawn explained everything to Joseph who, to Dawn's utter delight, was OK with it, and even asked her out again.

Meanwhile, Buffy told Billy about what it's like to die . . . twice.

Chapter XIII

"What say we do away with the rules and see what happens?" Buffy surprised Spike as they walked home behind the two teens.

"I'm all for it, luv," he grinned. A date and a "let's see what happens" all in one day! The peroxided vampire was ecstatic.

After dropping Joseph off and taking Dawn to another friends' to spend the night, Buffy invited Spike up to her room. "Willow's gone to visit her parents for the weekend." she said after the vampire asked where the Wicca-addict was.

They talked awhile, sitting across the room from each other in awkward companionship.

After a bit, Spike picked up a piece of paper and a pen he had found on Buffy's bedstead. A girly contraption, the pen was pink with little feathers on top, and Spike, not caring, wrote with it anyway.

"Whatcha writin'?" Buffy asked him eventually.

"A list." he answered, not taking his eyes off the paper.

"What kind of list?" she queried, getting more curious by the second.

"Bloody Hell! Now I just lost my train of thought!" Trying to get back on track with his list, the vampire tapped the top of the pen to his chin, tickling his nose with the feathers.

Noticing Spike's reaction, Buffy hurried across the room, put the pen and paper down, and began to tickle the vampire mercilessly.

She hazarded a glance in the paper's direction and read the first few lines:

WHY I LOVE BUFFY SUMMERS

She's not dead.

She doesn't have stupid hair, no matter what I've said about it before.

She's sane.

I'm a bleedin' whipped nancy-boy.

She's not-

The Slayer's perusal of the paper was interrupted when Spike began to kiss her, forcing her to kiss him back. Spike lips . . . Lips of Spike, she thought ruefully to herself.

The paper floated out the opened window as the two enemies-turned-lovers hear a faint "Moo" on the breeze.

---

WHERE DID ALL THIS WACKINESS COME FROM?!?!?

My sister and I were talking about a fic she was writing and had the most wacky idea for a challenge, even though neither up us had ever written a fic before. Here are the requirements:

MAJOR REQUIREMENTS

Set after "Wrecked."

Buffy has to see a blonde wearing a duster, standing next to a DeSoto, thinking he's Spike.

The blonde cannot be Spike.

The blonde HAS to be Billy Idol.

Billy Idol must hold a concert somewher other than The Bronze.

Since the concert is not at The Bronze, Billy, for some reason, must give Buffy two free tickets.

Buffy must invite Spike, but not make it sound like a big deal (you know, like saying a list of things at once and just letting it slip in).

Before Buffy even mentions Billy Idol, Spike has to say something about being related to him in some weird "I'm-an-Immortal-Vampire" kind of way.

Billy has to insinuate that he knows that vampires exist, and that the occurrence "happens a lot" in his family.

MINOR REQUIREMENTS

Dawn has to get a boyfriend.

Billy and Spike have to pummel the newly-returned-and-Turned Riley.

Someone has to mention tripping on a shot glass.

There has to be a cow.

The cheese guy has to be back "by popular demand" and actually say something NEW about cheese.

Andrew has to comment on Boba Fett's near-death experience at the hands of Spike.

The other two have to look at him like he's stupid.

(Numbers 6 & 7 are just to add a little plot.)

SITUATIONAL REQUIREMENT: Spike, talking to Buffy in her room, starts to make a list (can be anything, even a shopping list) using a pen he finds on Buffy's nightstand. The pen is pink, with feathers on top. Spike, thinking about the next item on the list, puts the pen up to his chin and inhales nose-tickling feathers. Realizing Spike is ticklish, Buffy tickles him. Any wackiness deemed necessary ensues.

A lot of requirements, I know, but it would be interesting to see how many different plots can come of it. A maximum of 1 major and 3 minor requirements can be omitted if needed, but please try to include them all.